List of points

In the apostolate of friendship and trust, the first step has to be understanding, service — and holy intransigence in doctrine.

You have to learn to disagree charitably with others — whenever the need arises — without becoming unpleasant.

You should always be well-mannered towards everybody, especially towards those who present themselves as your adversaries (you should never have enemies) when you are trying to let them see their mistake.

Is it not true, unfortunately, that many people spread calumnies unjustly and then make their appeal to charity and honesty so that their victims cannot defend themselves?

It is a sad ecumenism indeed when Catholics who take part in it ill-treat other Catholics!

What a mistaken view of objectivity they have! They focus upon people or tasks through the deformed lenses of their own defects and then, with acid shamelessness, criticise or dare to offer their advice.

—Let us make a firm resolution: when we correct or give advice, let us speak in the presence of God, and apply our words to our own behaviour.

Never have recourse to the always deplorable method of organising slanderous attacks on anyone… It is even worse if it is done through allegedly moral motives, which can never justify an immoral action.

Out of ten ways of saying No, why must you always choose the most disagreeable? —Virtue has no wish to hurt.

You may often have to tell someone off… But you should be teaching him how to correct a defect, never merely giving vent to your bad temper.

When you need to correct someone, it should be done clearly and with kindness, even with a smile if that is suitable. It should never, or very seldom, be overpowering.

Do you feel as if goodness and absolute truth have been deposited with you, and therefore that you have been invested with a personal title or right to uproot evil at all costs?

—You will never solve anything like that, but only through Love and with love, remembering that Love has forgiven you and still forgives you so much!

Through Christian charity and human good manners, you should make an effort not to create an unbridgeable distance between you and anybody else… You should leave a way out for others, so that they need go no further from the Truth.

Violence is not a good method for convincing anyone… Even less is it so in the apostolate.

A violent person always stands to lose, even though he may win the first battle… for he ends up isolated and hedged around by his lack of understanding.

I can’t understand why you are annoyed and disappointed. They paid you back in your own currency, delighting in insults by word and deeds.

Learn from the lesson and never forget from now on that the people who live with you have a heart too.

Learn how to say No, without hurting people unnecessarily or having recourse to the kind of abrupt rejection which destroys charity.

—Remember that you are always in the presence of God!

Acquire the habit of speaking about everyone and about everything they do in a friendly manner, especially when you are speaking of those who labour in God’s service.

Whenever that is not possible, keep quiet. Sharp or irritated comment as well may border on gossip or slander.

A young man who had just given himself more fully to God said: “What I need to do now is speak less, visit the sick and sleep on the floor.”

—Apply that to yourself.

One should speak about Christ’s priests only in order to praise them.

—I hope with all my heart that my brothers and I bear this in mind in our daily behaviour.

There are many sides to lying: reticence, intrigue, slander… But it is always the coward’s weapon.

You are wrong to let yourself be impressed by the first or the latest conversation!

Listen with respect and interest. Give due credit to people… but carefully ponder your judgement in the presence of God.

They spread slander and then make sure themselves that someone comes along immediately to tell you: “It is said that…” No doubt that is villainous, but don’t lose your peace; the tongue can do you no harm, if you work honestly. Consider how silly they are, how tactless, humanly speaking, and what a lack of loyalty they show towards their brothers — and especially towards God!

And don’t go and fall into slander yourself, through an ill-conceived idea of the right to reply. If you have to say anything, make use of fraternal correction as the Gospel advises us.

Don’t be worried by those contradictions and all that talk. It is true that we are working in a divine undertaking, but we are men… And it is natural that as we walk we raise dust along the road.

If anything bothers you or hurts you… make use of it for your purification and, if necessary, to straighten out your own behaviour.

Gossip is a very human thing, they say. —And I reply: we have to live in a divine manner.

The evil or flippant word of only one man can create a climate of opinion, and even make it fashionable to speak badly about somebody… Then that thin mist of slander rises from below, reaches a high level and perhaps condenses into black clouds.

—But when the man persecuted in this way is a soul of God, the clouds shower down a beneficial rain, come what may; and the Lord ensures that he is exalted by the very means with which they tried to humiliate or defame him.