I could behave better, show more decision and spread around more enthusiasm… Why don’t I?

Because — forgive my frankness — you are a buffoon. The devil knows full well that one of the worst-guarded doors of the soul is that of human foolishness: vanity. That is where he attacks with all his might: pseudo-sentimental memories, the hysterical form of a black-sheep complex, the unfounded impression of a lack of freedom…

What are you waiting for in order to follow the Master’s injunction: Watch and pray, for you know not the day nor the hour?